Genur.art

DM: Galstaff, are you sure you've decided to haggle with the blacksmith? Galstaff: Yes, and I'm using my Ring of Charms, which adds a +10 to all convincing rolls. DM: You don't have to remind me. (rolls dice) You seem to have convinced the blacksmith to lower the price of the sword. Galstaff: Rock and roll! I use the sword. DM: What do you mean, you use it? Galstaff: I swing it around to see if it's magical. DM: Wha...you can't tell if a sword is magical by swinging it. It's not... Galstaff: I know. DM: It's not a lightsaber. Galstaff: Well, whatever. However, I'm supposed to find out if it's magical. DM: It's called a detect magic spell. Galstaff: I didn't want to use that up. DM: Well, say you slept for six hours after you cast it. Galstaff: Okay, detect magic. DM: It's not magical. Galstaff: Dude! He said it was a magical sword. DM: He was lying. Galstaff: He said he never tells a lie. DM: He was lying when he said that. Galstaff: Dude. Nightblade: Hey, hey, hey, look who brought the Mountain Dew! DM: Yeah! Galstaff: Right on! Nightblade: (singing) Fly by night of Mountain Dew, Mountain Dew for you... DM: Galstaff, as you are standing in a dirt road swinging a very unmagical sword, you see the strangest sight. A halfling thief is walking towards you singing "Fly by Night" Galstaff: Nightblade! Nightblade: Hey, hey, hey DM: It's Nightblade the halfling thief, and he's carrying a 12-pack of Mountain Dew. Galstaff: No way! His character's carrying Mountain Dew too? DM: If I roll a 10 or above, then yes. (rolls dice) Eleven. Here's your character, Nightblade. Where's Picard the Elvin Ranger? Nightblade: He's coming, and he's bringing his girlfriend. Galstaff: And your point is? Nightblade: Well, she's gonna wanna play. DM: Fine, she can play. Anyone can play. We're a Brown Deer High School-endorsed activity with membership open to the student body. I don't care if Greg Erdman wants to play, if he brings his own dice. If Sara Doheeny wants to play Advanced Dungeons and Dragons with us, she can play Titania. Galstaff: Ooooh. Nightblade: Isn't that your character? DM: It's not my character, I'm the DM. Sometimes I have to send non-player characters along with you to provide vital information. Nightblade: Yeah, but it seems like mostly you just end up talking through Titania. DM: Whatever. Now we have a girl to play Titania. Picard: Hey, guys, what's up. Hey, Sara, do you know everybody here? Sara: I'm in Biology with Scott. Galstaff: Galstaff! Sara: And you're... Galstaff: He's Nightblade. Nightblade: Jeremy. Galstaff: And Graham. DM: Are you going to play D&D with us? Sara: I don't really know the rules. Picard: Listen, there aren't any rules. It's a game of the imagination. Sara: Oh, okay. DM: This is your character sheet--your name is Titania. Sara: I don't know what any of this stuff means. Picard: I'll help you. Sara: Okay. DM: Well, it's way after 4:00, so can we get started. (Various affirmative responses) Nightblade, you've been chatting with Galstaff in the village road and you now see Picard the Elvin Ranger approaching. Picard: And Titania. DM: Well she's not here. Sara: Where am I? DM: Titania, you are in darkness. Sara: Is there anything here? DM: You're in darkness. Sara: Oh...I turn on the light. DM: Yeah, Thomas Edison appears in front of you and says, "idiot, I haven't been born yet." Sara: I attack him with my sword. What? Galstaff: He's not really there. That's DM magic. Sara: What? Picard: It's a joke, Sara. Sara: I don't get it. Picard: Come on, Graham, you're confusing her. Nightblade: I'm gonna go to the snack machine. DM: Wait, you guys are in the village. Nightblade: Hey, I can still hear you. Let's go to the tavern! DM: Nightblade is wandering off to the tavern. Picard: As usual--Nightblade always goes to the tavern. Sara: So...am I still in darkness? Picard: Maybe you should light a torch. Nightblade: Does anyone have another quarter? Sara: I light a torch. DM: Very good. You are in a room, but no more helping. Sara: What's in the room? DM: Nothing. Sara: I go to the door. DM: There's no door. Picard: Graham! DM: The characters were in a certain place at a certain time at the end of the last adventure. I can't put her on a fluffy cloud just because she's your girlfriend. Picard: Well, where is she? DM: If you can't remember, then your character can't remember. Picard: Well my character casts a locate person spell. DM: (rolls dice) She's on the fifth sublevel of the Queen of Spiders' dungeon, remember? Picard: Oh brother. Nightblade: Am I in the tavern yet? DM: Yes! Nightblade: Does anyone have an extra quarter, because otherwise I gotta get Funyuns. Picard: Galstaff! Galstaff: Yes, my friend of steady arrow and ready wit. Picard: We have to rescue Titania! Galstaff: I will accompany you if you kill the blacksmith that sold me this sword. Sara: Yeah, kill the blacksmith. That sounds fun. DM: Don't kill the blacksmith, that's stupid. Picard: So, what, are we doing it wrong now? He told me to kill the blacksmith, I kill the blacksmith. DM: But your character wouldn't do that. Picard: What makes you such an expert? DM: The blacksmith turns into a dragon and eats you! Picard: Huh. Nightblade: The Funyuns are stuck in the machine! Sara: I'm gonna go home--I'm just in the stupid dark room anyway. Picard: Sara, wait, don't go! Sara: Call me later, okay? Picard: Okay. What the hell's your problem? DM: What's yours? Picard: I don't know what you're talking about. DM: Yeah right! Don't get mad at me just because your girlfriend didn't have a good time; for God's sake, this is Advanced, Mark. Picard: Advance this! DM: Shut up! Picard: Oh, that's creative. DM: I'm not worried about my creativity, Mark, I'm the Dungeon Master. I control worlds, universes. Every potion you drink, I mixed. Every magic item you find, I put it there. Do you remember when you killed that hill giant? Picard: I rolled a 20, double damage. DM: You rolled a 19, Mark. I fudged it. That giant would've killed you, man, but I admired your spark. You wanted it so badly, so I helped because I wanted to, and I help people when I want to, and right now you're roasting in the hot belly of a platinum dragon, so why don't you ask yourself where your priorities lie. Nightblade: Are we still playing? Picard: Yeah. Galstaff: In that case, Galstaff casts a friendship spell on both of you. Nightblade: Friendship? What kind of gayness is that? Galstaff: Shut up, Nightgayde! Nightblade: I'm not gay, I was in the tavern with wenches. Galstaff: Yeah, male gay wenches. Nightblade: Like you! DM: You guys, shut up! Titania is here. Picard: Titania? DM: She says, "what?" Picard: How did you get out of the dungeons. DM: I turned my bag of holding inside-out, wrapped it around me, and walked through the dungeon walls. Picard: You can do that? DM: It's all in the dice. Picard: Well, let's go on an adventure. DM: Shouldn't we get Sara? Picard: No. You play Titania. DM: Titania gives you a crystal. She says, "anytime you need me, you can use this." Nightblade: Um...are you guys being funny. Galstaff: Eeewww. BREAK meme, funny, fantasy, PonyXLV6_Scores